Katie’s friend at work, Ina, is leaving soon because her internship is up.  I thought I could persuade Nintendo to hire her to keep my girlfriend (Katie) happy.

Dear Nintendo,

You should hire Ina Memchshm… (I don’t know her last name but you know who I’m talking about).  Ina’s pretty cool, or so my girlfriend tells me.  I, myself, have never met Ina but talked to her on the phone that one time and she was really helpful.  So hire her!  What are you afraid of?  Spiders?  I totally understand!  Anything that small that needs so many legs to carry it around freaks me out too.  But I’m sure Ina could take care of your spider problem.  She’s got feet and hands that are ripe for stomping (I think.  Again, I have never seen this human being so she may be a deformed freak.  In that case, you should hire her to fill some sort of disability quota.)

In conclusion, Ina is a human being that is capable of all sorts of wonderful things.  Like filling out data sheets or transferring phone calls.  Just another monkey fulfilling the mindless tasks no one else there wants to do!  So hire her.  Please?

Was that long enough?

Pickled Beetsily,

Shane Houghton

P.S.
I work for a competing video game company.